Wednesday, July 16, 2014

An Ashtray Gets a Breath of Fresh Air


No one smokes anymore. It used to be so seductive. Actors in the old black and white movies blew billowy smoke rings. Old cigarette advertisements declared that most doctors preferred to smoke Winstons. Camels were as cool as my Uncle Jim’s Lucky Strikes.  Real men didn’t need a filter. The “Marlboro Man” was the sexiest man alive. Yes, smoking was cool!

As a kid, I remember “candy cigarettes”. The box looked like a cigarette pack. The white, minty sticks resembled the real thing. We wanted to be just like our dads. Why didn’t anyone invent little juices that resembled booze bottles? That would have been fun. We could have pretended to stumble around like our drunk Uncle Charlie. Now that I am a parent, I understand all too well that the kids just want to act like the grownups.

About 1969 I remember my mom declaring that she was giving up the cigarettes. My brothers and I cheered and jumped up and down. Why? Because our house stunk! Those glamorous movies couldn’t show how smelly the house was.  The ads never showed the “doc who preferred Winstons” dragging his oxygen tank down the sandy shoreline in his golden years.

When I was student teaching in the 80’s, we had to lobby to make one of the two teachers’ lounges non smoking. When I worked at a residential treatment facility in the 90’s there was already one designated smoking lounge and one non-smoking lounge. Today, in order to take a smoke break, you have to drive 500 yards away from your place of work and promise to not exhale in your own car. My point here: it is getting more and more difficult to smoke.

As smoking became less and less desirable, one very important decorative accessory started disappearing from our homes: the ash tray. Remember the big, fancy art pottery ash trays? They looked beautiful & matched the household décor, however, they held about 10,000 cigarette butts. Those classic movies never showed a hostess with a hangover cleaning up the day after an elegant party. The only thing nastier than cigarette smoke is an ash tray full of stale butts, hence, the decline of smoking, especially inside our homes.

The last time I went home to California I came across my mom’s enormous aqua glass ash tray. It has to be about 45 years old. It had been repurposed under one of the bathroom vanities to hold cleaning products. I got permission to take the tray and the matching vase back to my own home in Michigan. This particular tray must have been able to hold at least 12,000 butts.

I (once again) repurposed the ash tray. It now holds shells and sea glass from both Atlantic and Pacific beachy family vacations. So, very ironically, now when I look at my mom’s old ash tray, it reminds me of relaxing and breathing the fresh ocean air.
 



Thursday, May 1, 2014

Peri is a Dude


I am turning 50 this year and looking forward to the changes that are coming my way. I  start sentences with, ”Now that I am approaching peri-menopause…”  and they usually end with something like, ”and I really don’t care what other people think .”  Don’t get me wrong. I am still a nice person, but it is refreshing to no longer worry about what other people think of me.

So  women can complain about our “change” that is on the way, or look forward to the positives. When life gives you lemons you can either be a sour puss or pour some sugar on it and make lemonade. Someone tried to put a positive spin on our period and called it “our little friend”.  We all know it was no friend of ours. It was our crazy relative, Aunt Flo. How many times did she show up, unannounced as we were leaving for vacation, insisting on coming along? We were young. We didn’t know how to say “no”. Auntie was there for cheer camp in high school, pool parties, anniversaries, honeymoons, you name it- if there was a special occasion, she would screw it up.

Some would say the “curse” is a biblical thing. To that I say,” That is a crazy notion”. I am trying really hard to not curse in black & white. So when you read phrases like “that is a crazy notion”, know that my original notes said, “total horse s***”.  But I do remember reading that women had pain in childbirth as a punishment because it was Eve who told Adam to eat the apple.  Wasn’t there a nut tree in that Garden of Eden? Adam could have picked a couple for free and stood up for himself.  Last time I checked, persuasion wasn’t a sin, but giving in to temptation was really frowned upon.  Anyway, we women got the blame somehow.

Maybe our redemption is peri-menopause. Since our first  cycle was personified as our “little friend” , let's  personify the second as our dude, “Peri”.  He’s my wing man  on my shoulder saying,” You don’t have to buy that crazy notion…speak up for yourself"  Peri has my back. He encourages me to stand up for myself and  say what I think. I’m looking forward to a long, intimate relationship with him.  I’m just waiting for Aunt Flo to kick the bucket.